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Impact – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch So, you’re playing D&D and you’re fighting some orcs.  All the orcs are armed with feather dusters, so they actually incapable of harming anyone.  And your DM doesn’t give XP for combat, so they’ll  yield 0 xp upon death.This combat is a waste of time.  You’re just rolling dice until […]

WURMS: A continued DECLARATION against SCRAP PRINCESS, who knows NO DECENCY nor FORMAL DANCES – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch There is a voice crying out in the wilderness, babbling nonsense with locust-stained lips, scratching chaos into the dirt beneath her.  This is SCRAP PRINCESS, who is shunned by the WISE and feared by the BRAVE.  Her writings consist of nothing but NONSENSE and THE EGGS OF GAWPING SERPENTS.  Wise […]

The Inextricable Grace of Elves – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch I’ve written about elven psychology, linguistics, origin, military, weapons, half-elves, and their infinitely looping kingdoms at the end of time.But one thing I haven’t written about is what it’s like for the PCs to actually encounter true elves, face to face.Should I do a recap first?  I feel like I […]

There’s No Such Thing As Foxes – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch There’s no such thing as foxes.They’re mythical beasts, existing only in heraldry, rumor, and fraud.  (There are many ways to dye a coyote.)They are believed to bring good luck, confidence, glibness, and then ill fortune (in that order).  Potions made from fox’s tongues are said to exist, but there is […]

Door Wizard – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch Back when the True Elves ran things, the world was both bigger and closer together.They had grabbed Space, bundled it up, and bound it into knots.  Everything was near everything else, and distance was as meaningless as maps.  They rarely bothered to learn where something was, since everything was just on […]


New Post from Goblin Punch I’m not saying that she bred all of the snakes personally, but she definitely was in St. Pierre, throwing snakes at children.ANYWAYDinosaurPsychosaursThese are hyper-evolved dinosaurs from an alternate timeline.  They’re giant flying dinosaur heads with psychic powers.  They refer to humans as “foolish mammals” and like to cut our heads […]

Adventuring Gear + Alchemy Items – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch YOU CAN SKIP OVER THE ADVENTURING GEAR SECTION BECAUSE IT’S BORING BUT HERE ARE THE GOOD PARTS: Salt damages oozes and can be used to preserve meat.  Lots of thing can be animated by necromancer PCs because they’re mostly animal products: grease, ink, oil, etc.  High quality mirrors are as […]


New Post from Goblin Punch When the world finds out what you’ve done, Scrap, they’re going to stop inviting you to the yacht parties that the OSR throws every month.  They’re going to cut you off from the Cocaine of the Month Club, too.READ THESE REVELATIONS AND TREMBLE, O UNTIDY FALSITYDevilHeavenly BureaucratSo:Zulin rules the world […]

The Fighting Mountains – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch  The shadows of old birdscrawl over young stonewhile pines huddle togetherand knot crowns beneath the earth.You fled south from the Cold Hills, leaving behind the icy fogs and venturing under the open arms of the sky.  You watched the dirt give way to granite.  You watched the sky grow huge […]

Elven Revolvers – Goblin Punch

New Post from Goblin Punch Gunpowder was discovered a long time ago in Centerra.  It just doesn’t work anymore.When they were taming the land and laying straight roads, they were also fighting the fire cults.  They won, as they always do, and the fire gods were sundered.  Some were gelded and boxed.  Some were driven […]